


"You're Weird. But I Like That About You!"

by NiteSafeForWork



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Adorable, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Awkward Romance, Beach Sex, Beaches, Blow Jobs, Comedy, Consensual Kink, Creampie, Crush 40, Cunnilingus, Cute, Da Vinci is absolutely a hipster, Day At The Beach, Embarrassment, Exhibitionism, F/M, Finger Sucking, Foot Fetish, For some reason they all have incredibly strong movie opinions, French Kissing, Gaming, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Movie Night, Movie Reference, Musical References, Neck Kissing, Oral Sex, Pop Culture, Reminiscing, Rock and Roll, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Rough Kissing, Rough Oral Sex, Sexy, Sherlock Being Sherlock, Shipping, Sleeping Together, Song: Bad Romance (Lady Gaga), Song: Highway Star (Deep Purple), Song: Sweet Child O' Mine (Guns N' Roses), Sonic Adventure, Space Jam References, Star Wars References, Steam (Valve), Sweet, Team Fortress 2 References, Teasing, The Room (Movie) References, Total War: Shogun 2, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, more movie references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:54:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24497530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiteSafeForWork/pseuds/NiteSafeForWork
Summary: "Mwhahaha! Consider yourself fortunate that you have the privilege of summoning me, Oda Nobunaga! Well, what are you waiting for, rehearsal will be starting soon! And NO, you can't be the vocalist!"..."Guns N' Roses, huh? Fine, I'll give you a chance. If you can pass this audition, then maybe..."..."Absolutely forbidden, choosing to sing a romantic song! You did that on purpose, you bastard! Now, take responsibility!"..."N-No! I won't let everyone 'watch us,' you horny scoundrel! T-This side of myself is only for you to see, master!"..."Well, I might be fine with experimenting a bit-- wait a minute, you want to lick me WHERE?!"..."'Operation: Demon Kink of the Sex Heaven?!' Are you an idiot??!"..."Oh well... I suppose some things just can't be helped!"---Though the Shadow Border isn't large enough to house a huge number of servants, they are at least able to make space for Oda Nobunaga, Mr. Fujimaru's sweetheart. With Nobu as a permanent crew member, you can be sure hilarity ensues. And sexy bits. And cheesy hentai dialogue sometimes too. If you like comedy with your smut or vice versa, this one's for you.
Relationships: Fujimaru Ritsuka/Oda Nobunaga | Archer, Oda Nobunaga/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 44





	1. But then who will be the bass player?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word count of 6969 for this chapter, nice. Fun fact: Archer Nobu's Servant ID number is 69

It’s only been a little while since we resolved the first Lostbelt. I won't lie, it was tough on all of us. We're emotionally on edge. But, I’m pretty glad to be out of that ridiculously cold weather. I wonder if the Shadow Border has a simulator like Chaldea did? I could use a trip to the beach…

At the moment, my friends on the staff around me are hard at work preparing for a summoning, and I’m pretty excited. It’s only recently since I really started to get the chance to start seeing all of the heroic spirits again. At this point, I feel like I’ve been missing dear friends! And there’s one in particular…

While the others work on the nitty gritty aspects of the summoning ritual, I make small talk with Mash. “Sure wish this place were bigger. It’s so different than Chaldea was, without all of the servants mingling about like they used to.”

“Well, you know what she’d say. ’It can’t be helped!’” Mash giggles, doing a pretty funny impression of a very familiar voice that we’ll soon be hearing a lot more of. “Still, I think we should all be thankful that Da Vinci found out a way to efficiently maintain long-term materialization for at least two or three servants. We’ve been cooped up in here for so long, having some fresh company will be great!”

“Yes, I definitely owe you guys one,” I duly thank, “Especially for letting me pick the ones I would like most!”

Commander Goldolf looks on us with incredulous disbelief. “I can’t believe you all tried to ‘out-vote’ me! I’m the commander!” he protests, before adjusting his suit collar and trying to play it cool. “Well. Consider yourselves lucky that your first pick just so happened to pass the official Phoenix approval screening. They meet the criteria for a powerful and tactically useful servant to have around. And, erm. Well…” he begins, before whispering so quietly I can barely hear it, “…….. I could tell from your teamwork in Russia that you two make a charming pair…… *COUGH COUGH* Anyway! Let’s get this show on the road already.”

“I do believe we’ve made a stable connection,” Holmes announces, “Would you do the honors, Mr. Fujimaru?”

“Will do!” I nod, and stand in front of the summoning circle. This will be kind of different… I’m usually able to summon up servants temporarily for battle, but this process will keep a servant consistently materialized like normal. Maybe this method will be more like summoning them for the first time? It will be such a treat to have the luxury of interacting with her normally again. I’m fully expecting her to make a grandiose entrance while introducing herself boastfully. Let’s see how well I know her.

I focus on the task at hand, and in an awe-inspiring flash of light, a woman with long black hair in black military clothes appears. With her ornately designed hat atop her head, she flourishes a magnificent red cape. Oda Nobunaga… She has a big, cocky grin on her face, and she’s so self-absorbed that she has her eyes closed without even looking at her surroundings. “Mwahahaha! Consider yourself fortunate, for you have called upon-“

Yep. I totally called it. And frankly, I can’t wait any longer. I reach out and gently grasp her wrist, sending a shock down her spine. She snaps to attention, clearly startled by the unexpected interruption. “—Bwhaaa?!” she calls in surprise, opening her eyes. But I don’t give her much time to react. In one smooth motion, I pull her to bring her closer to me, slide my other arm around her waist to embrace her against my body, and move in to lock into a kiss with her.

She mumbles through her sealed lips for a little bit as she tries to analyze what’s going on, but she quickly realizes that it’s me and that I'm the one grabbing her. I didn't waste any time at all, because I know she must be dying for this as well. It’s as if her emotions, aura, and entire being all begin to melt as her senses are taken over completely by the kiss we had both been waiting for.

Honestly, Nobu isn’t the greatest at French kissing. In fact she kinda sucks at it. When she gets really into it, she just kinda starts flailing her tongue around like a maniac. But, at the same time, that’s what makes it exceptionally hot, not gonna lie. I really love how, behind her showy and confident exterior, she’s actually pretty naïve and innocent as far as these types of things go. Soon she starts to go along with me as I take the lead. I’m really loving this, and I’ll stay like this as long as she’ll let me.

As if a love-struck school girl, Mash lets loose a literal “squee” noise. Nobu’s eyes shoot open and she starts scanning the room rapidly, and then finally draws the kiss to a close as she abruptly pushes some distances between us. I keep my arm at her waist, though, so she doesn’t move too far. “Uhm. Well! I, er! ……… Master, were we… really in front of everyone this whole time…?” she questions, rubbing her sleeve under her lip to clean a string of drool that had been connecting our mouths.

I glance around the room too. Mash is fidgeting back and forth with a huge grin on her face, Holmes and Da Vinci are both trying to look away, but are hiding smiles that show they are quite amused. Meuniere and Sylvia look like they’re totally invested in watching a soap opera. Even the commander looks a little hot and bothered.

“Is that a problem?” I coyly tease her, “I didn’t realize you were so bashful.”

Nobu immediately straightens out her stance into one of confidence--or as close as she can get to one given the circumstances. “How amusing! As if the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven would be embarrassed by something as trivial as… everyone in the room watching… during a really passionate, and admittedly sexy kiss… *COUGH* Either way! WHY was everyone watching us? And why are you letting them?! What’s your game, dude?!”

“Don’t blame Senpai, we all wanted to be here,” Mash defends, “We just… we all just think you’re the cutest couple ever…” she explains, blushing wildly.

Nobu can only stare blankly with wide-eyes as she processes the statement. “Wait, so are you saying… that all of Chaldea SHIPS us, master?!!?”

“Sure looks that way,” I answer as I close in on her again, teasing at another kiss by briskly caressing the very edges of our lips. She’s as red as her uniform at this point. 

“Well, I guess it can’t be helped!” Nobu accepts, “It must be only natural that two stunningly charismatic individuals would garner such wanton attention…!” she boasts, still trying to maintain her composure.

I continue to rile her up, repeatedly kissing her neck from the base of her shoulder up to under her jaw. I can practically feel the goosebumps. “Uhm, er, master… could we maybe… no, we should definitely go to a place more private!” she asserts.

“Why?” I reply, fully playing dumb at this point. Still breathing down her neck, I lower my arm from her waist to get a nice, squishy grip of her butt. Holding her this close, I can feel her heartbeat, and I can tell that toying with her is getting us both incredibly in the mood. She puts a stop to my antics by pinching my cheek, though. “Ow ow ow,” I chuckle playfully.

“You fool,” she whispers in my ear, “You must have a room or something somewhere, right? Be a man and take me there, and then take responsibility for flipping my switch,” she smiles at me with aggressive eyebrows.

“That works too,” I smile back affectionately, and her expression warms up considerably.

I hear several “Awwww!”s from the spectators.

Nobu can’t decide whether to laugh or to get mad. So she does a little of both. “What’s with you people? Are you all perverts?!!”

“I don’t know if I speak for everyone,” Meuniere returns, “But it gets really boring and really lonely in this place…”

“Go read a book or something!” Nobu suggests. She grabs my wrist and begins to drag me towards the door out of the room.

“If I may,” Holmes speaks up, “There’s actually a simulator installed in the Shadow Border much like the one back in Chaldea. Perhaps the two of you could find a location to have a romantic retreat in peace?”

Guess that answers my question!

“Your nose is bleeding, guy,” Nobu points out.

Da Vinci nudges Holmes in the side with her elbow and shoots him a ‘don’t ruin this for everyone,’ face. “I assure you, you are imagining things, miss,” he replies. She must be, Holmes would never act like that…

“I don’t know,” Nobu considers, “I just got here! I would like to at least get a tour of this new location!”

“Allow me to give you a sales pitch of my latest update to the simulators!” Da Vinci takes over, with her usual overexcited enthusiasm, “With cutting edge technology combined with powerful magecraft, you can go anywhere and do anything! Tokyo! The Great Wall of China! The Moon! All five of your senses will provide the most realistic experience possible!”

“That does sound enticing!” Nobu nods, holding her chin.

Several of the crew in the room all gesture at Da Vinci as if to communicate, “nice save,” or something.

“So, Nobu,” I address her, “I could really use a trip to the beach. Sound good?”

“Now that’s definitely more to my liking!” she grins, and then she leans in to whisper in my ear once more. “Though, you probably just want to see me in a swimsuit again. You haven’t changed a bit, you horny scoundrel.”

“I missed you too, Nobu,” I sigh longingly, holding her hand. With that, the two of us are off.

\---

This particular simulation has a cozy beach house for us to relax and get situated within. Currently the two of us are in the shower areas, covered by curtains as we slip into our swimwear. We’re close enough that we can talk at a normal volume while we get changed. “I’m telling you, Nobu!” I call, “I don’t know how to play the drums!”

“Well who DOES know, then?” she questions, “We can’t have a band without a drummer!”

The spirit of getting back into summer wear must have reminded her all about her band aspirations. At this moment in time, we’ve been in a pseudo-argument over who is doing what, however.

“I don’t know, Mordred? She seems like she could be a drummer, maybe. But, I’m telling you, I’m actually a pretty talented vocalist!”

“No way man! I’m the guitarist and the vocalist!” she argues staunchly, “How the heck am I going to be the ultimate Rock n’ Roller if I’m not singing the vocals? The singer is, like, the leader of the band! And the guitarist is sort of like that, too, but not quite as much! The fact of the matter remains, that it has to be me! A casual like you wouldn’t understand.”

The summer atmosphere seems to have brought about her change to a berserker. Something about her saint graph being altered? I can’t remember the specific details. But, to be honest, the madness enhancement isn’t very noticeable, because Nobu is pretty out there to begin with.

“Well, if that’s the way you’re gonna be, I guess you’ll have to rock on without me. I can’t play any instruments,” I tell her as I slip into my swim trunks. I’m all changed up and ready to head out, so I step out from my curtain and wait outside of Nobu’s curtain for her to finish.

“Rejoice, for you’re in luck, master! For I will teach you the ways of Rock n’ Roll! Uwahaha! I’ll be just like ‘Jack Black’ in that movie you showed me that one time!”

I laugh out loud. “Haha, I forgot how much you liked ‘School of Rock.’”

“Yes, that was the one!” she agrees, “If those children could learn to be rock stars, then there’s hope for you, yet! …Just not as the vocalist.”

“It’s sounding more and more like we’re going to have to settle this matter with a duel on our next karaoke night.”

“I welcome the challenge! Provided that rascal Jing Ke doesn’t get drunk and hog the mic all night like last time. If I have to hear her sing Britney Spears’ ‘Toxic’ one more time, I may have to end her myself!”

“Fair enough,” I chuckle. “But anyway, are you done in there yet? The ocean waves are calling!”

“Honestly, master, you have no sense of tension! The longer I keep hold of your anticipation, the more tantalizing my ultra-curvy figure will be, heh heh heh…”

“I’m pretty antsy already, so hurry up or I’m coming in there after you,” I laugh.

I hear her scoff as if offended. “Be patient! Don’t tell me you’re the type of person who fast forwards through the OP when watching anime! And do you skip all of the cut-scenes when playing JRPGs, too? Does your heinousness know no bounds?!” she mocks playfully.

At long last, the curtain slides across the railing above, and Nobu makes her appearance, clad in a black bikini with an ornate design, and she deliberately raises her arms behind her head to strike a pose like a model. She’s covered in about 10% bikini, showing 90% bare skin, and is 100% woman. Now we’re talking! “Ha! I can tell by how you stare that it was worth the wait! Come! Let’s hit the beach!”

As she walks past me, she catches me off guard with a spank and a quick squeeze, giggling to herself impishly at my surprised reaction. “Hey!” I shout as I turn, and she’s already dashed far enough that I can’t catch her. “Mwhahaha! That was for teasing me in front of the others!” she taunts mischievously. She’s definitely feeling feisty today… good, good. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We spend the day having a blast on the beach. We had a shore-spanning water gun fight full of excitement. We built impressive sand castles, too. A crab tried to pinch me at one point so Nobu lit it on fire. After an ill-fated attempt at surfing, we’re taking a break at our little camping spot. I’m content to lay stretched out on top of a towel to bake in the sun, while Nobu is sitting on her own towel a short distance away. She has her guitar out and she’s casually playing some chords.

“Hey, master,” she beckons, “Pick a classic rock song. One we both know.”

“Hmm… I don’t know, maybe ‘Eruption’ by Van Halen?”

On command, she belts out the most ridiculous guitar solo I’ve ever heard. Even though it’s impressive, she doesn’t seem satisfied. “No good. Pick a song with lyrics.”

“Erm… ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’ by Guns N Roses?” I pitch next.

She goes into the iconic melody for a few bars, but then stops. “This is your audition, so you better sing well if you want to be the vocalist,” she explains, and then repeats the bars she just played from the top.

Oh man, she’s putting me on the spot. I quickly rise up from my laid down position so I can at least straighten my back and clear my throat a bit. It’s just in time to start the first verse. “You’ve got a smile that it seems to me, reminds me of fixing singularities… when we held hands and rayshifted through time…”

She pauses. “You’re totally making up these lyrics!” she laughs.

“Doesn’t that make it more personal and meaningful?” I ask innocently. She gets back into the song and we resume. As I sing, I look Nobu in the eyes, and she starts to blush as she tries to look away. “Now and then, when I see your face, you take me away to that special place--”

Nobu stops playing abruptly. “No fair, you picked a romantic song on purpose.”

I really don’t know how our relationship developed into one where we’re constantly pushing each other’s buttons, but there’s just something so cute about her when she gets embarrassed. “How are you going to be the lead guitarist of a band if a little song like this one gets you flustered?” I chuckle.

She lowers the brim of her hat down to hide her eyes and she looks to the side. “I am most certainly not flustered… well, it’s not the song alone that’s got me flustered… gah! You fool! I can tell you’re enjoying this!”

I stand up and walk over to her towel, where I sit down next to her. I softly reach out and just barely touch her cheek with the very tips of my fingers, sending tingles down her spine from the slightest of sensations. I slowly move in until my whole palm is caressing the side of her face. “Of course I’m enjoying being with you,” I speak completely earnestly.

She stands up herself, and I’m worried I got under her skin or something and that she’s going to leave… but instead, she walks right up to me. Like, way in my personal space. She turns around and sits down in between my legs, pretty much in my lap. She nudges me with her elbow and I get the message of what she wants me to do--I wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly. “Me too,” she returns with a smile.

She starts playing her guitar again, picking up around where we left off. With her so close, I can gently sing into her ear no louder than a whisper. “Now and then, when I see your face, you take me away to that special place… and I want you to know that I think that you’re so fine...”

She snickers briefly, and I feel her body snuggle in even more tightly against me as we start the chorus. “Whooooaaaa, oh, oh, Demon King o’ mine…”

She cracks up into a full laughing fit and stops playing. “Hahaha! I can’t believe you just sang that! Are you an idiot? You must be an idiot…”

She sets her guitar down to the side, turns around, and aggressively pushes my back to the ground. She lays atop me with gravity bringing her long black hair down around my head, tickling me slightly. She stares me down with a cute smile and a wildly blushing face. 

“So, are you ready to give up and let me be the vocalist now?” I joke.

She latches onto my lips without giving me any time to think. I close my eyes, and in a matter of moments I’m literally seeing stars. The pure emotion she’s putting into this is making me lose my mind. She purses her lips around my tongue and pulls it out of my mouth, where she begins licking it with just the sexiest expression on her face. I take back everything I said about Nobu’s kissing being amateur. I feel her hand strongly grip my throbbing cock, which is practically bursting out of my swim trunks by this point. She rubs her hand up and down sensually, and then squeezes, fully enjoying my reaction. 

She looks at me with a devilish grin. “You like it when I squeeze hard, huh? Are you secretly a masochist, master?”

I roll her to the side and now I’m the one above her as she’s pressed against the ground. I grab both of her wrists and hold them down so that she’s powerless against my advances. Taking the opportunity, I aggressively lick her cheek, sliding my tongue against her soft skin. “And what about you, you seem to be getting pretty turned on now that I’ve got you pinned down helplessly. Maybe you secretly want to try out bondage…?”

She and I are both deeply breathing; panting, even. “Hey, Nobu…” I speak softly, “What _are_ your fetishes, anyway? You can tell me, you know.”

The sudden inquiry has her discombobulated. “What the hell kind of question is that to ask out of the blue?! I… don’t really know… but I’d be willing to explore, I suppose. And what about you? What turns your gears, then?"

"I'd love to find out if it's with you," I smile to her.

"Fufufu… it can't be helped," Nobu sighs, "The only thing to do is experiment..."

"That's something I really like about you, how you're always willing to try new things," I remark, "Well then, let's test until we find out. We'll call this, 'Operation: Demon Kink of the Sex Heaven!'"

"Oh my God dude," Nobu bursts out laughing, "How did you just say that with a straight face?! You're such a freak, master!"

With her wrists still held down, her armpits are wide open. A perfect opportunity to start figuring out what gets Nobu really going. The second my tongue makes contact, she impulsively flinches. She immediately tries to clench her arm to try and protect her armpit, but all she can do is struggle with me still pinning her. As I'm exploring the unique taste and texture, she's laughing uncontrollably to the point of tears. "Stop…! Stop!! That tickles!!!!" she cries out.

"Awww…" I chuckle, "I was really having fun!"

"You are so weird!" she calls out, still trying to catch get breath from all the laughter. 

"We can stop if you want," I offer, feeling a little bummed out.

"I didn't mean we have to put an end to things…!" she denies excitedly, before backing her enthusiasm up a few clicks. "I merely meant we should move on to the next thing. Yes."

I finally let go and free her arms so that I can get up and move to sit at the end of her legs. I hold her right foot and massage it soothingly. As I start to feel the tension in her loosen, I raise her leg so that I can rub her sole against my face, only to begin licking and kissing. I start at her heel and work my way up the inner curve. Soon I reach the top, and begin sucking her toes one by one.

If I'm hearing right, she's starting to hum a little bit. "How are you feeling, Nobu?"

She's been putting her pinky finger to her mouth to have something to clamp down on. "This is… rather nice, master."

"You think we've found a winner?" I ask excitedly. 

"Hmm…" she considers, "Not quite. But seeing how much you are enjoying this gives me pleasure. I can tell this is YOUR fetish, foot licking weirdo."

She's probably right. "Well, at least you're cool with that. I should count my blessings you'll go along with a weirdo like me."

"Of course…" Nobu assures me. "You're weird, but that just makes you all the more interesting! And fun to toy with, mwhahaha…" she laughs deviously. She lifts her foot back up and starts pushing her toes against my lips as if trying to force them in. I let her have her way, and see that she has narrowed her eyes and has the world's most smug smile on her face. I'm almost ready to blow just looking at her...

Gah! No fair! She has me wrapped around her finger--or toe, I guess. She definitely has the advantage here. "Ok, we've had our fun," I speak as I try to disengage. I slide my fingers under her bikini bottom and take it off completely. "Hey, could you get on your hands and knees? And face the other way."

She follows the request. "What is it you want to try this time? Master and slave foreplay? Do you desire that I call you 'daddy?' Or maybe a weirdo like you would rather call _me_ 'mommy'…"

I rub my fingers up and down her slit, feeling the moistness. "Nah, I just want to taste you more. Can you stick your butt up higher and spread your cheeks for me?"

She seems excited to do so. "Sure, but I don't know if eating my pussy counts as a fetish… not that I'm complaining, butAAACHCHCHCHCH WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!"

Her outburst roughly corresponded to me plunging my tongue into her anus. I feel her whole body trembling as her knees weaken. I pause long enough to talk back. "Do you not Iike it?"

"I didn't say that!!" she cries, "But who just sticks their tongue in there without warning?! There has to be an order to things, you fool! I wasn't emotionally ready for this!! Give me some time to prepare, next time, or something, geeze..."

I remove my tongue and give her butt a quick, harmless spank. "Alright. We'll put anal at the top of the list for next time, got it," I tease.

"There's no helping you at all…" Nobu sighs, though I pick up a hint of whimsy in her voice which lets me know that she's still very much amused. She returns to a normal sitting position, but she lifts her legs around my head and hangs them over my shoulders. "Come then. You've kept me waiting long enough! You must be hard as a diamond yourself…" she remarks, taking her two fingers and spreading her pussy wide open for me.

I don't need to be told twice. My swim trunks are off and I'm inside her in a matter of seconds, both of us sitting up in a mutually comfortable position. The sensation of me entering her causes Nobu to make a hissing noise as she breathes in through her clenched teeth, before exhaling deeply. “Mmmm… fuck, this is the best…”

I pull her body in closer as I get a good rhythm going. I kiss her softly, and I skim my finger against the side of her head so that I can brush her long hair out of the way of her ear. “An even more perfect fit than last time. You’re feeling extra frisky today, I can tell.” I whisper into it with a grin, “You’ve been wanting this bady, huh?”

“When did you get so cocky, hm?” she whispers back, staring me down with an aggressive, confident expression. “You were so timid when we first met. But now you’re bold enough that even I, the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven, feel a bit wooed by how you hold yourself.”

I shrug. “Your confidence must have rubbed off on me. Though I suppose I’ve in turn rubbed off on you plenty of times to return the favor…” I jokingly boast, lifting one of her legs to reposition her on her side as I continue pleasing her. 

Nobu lightly slaps my face. “Don’t get full of yourself, master,” she cautions, with her competitive spirit in full view, “Don’t forget that I know all of your weaknesses now. Leading you by the nose will be as simple as wiggling my toes in your direction. Perhaps I should start wearing sandals around all the time. Wouldn’t that excite you, you filthy boy?”

“Please do,” I play along, striking at her with increased force now that she’s getting me even more wound up. “Though it will be your job to explain to everyone why I’ll constantly have an erection around you. You can tell them that Nobu acts provocatively because she knows it makes me excited~!”

She starts to show embarrassment on her face. “Just be quiet, you. Focus on fucking me! Right there, keep hitting that spot right there!”

Her tongue is sticking out slightly and waggling a bit as her body shakes each time I push back into her. I reach out and pinch her tongue between my pointer and middle fingers, feeling the slippery energy of her panting breaths. She grabs my hand and moves it to forcibly press it against her cheek. “Besides, you fool. Even if I were to act like a tramp, I wouldn’t want anyone but you to see me like that.”

She sure gets flustered so quickly when thinking about embarrassing situations…

Hey, wait a minute. Could that be it…? Could that be her secret fetish……?

I have a hunch that I may finally have some leverage on her. Time to see if it works.

“Hey, Nobu,” I speak to her, “You should make peace signs.”

“What? Why?” she questions back.

“You said you’d act like that for me, right?” I remind her, curling my finger and rubbing it underneath her chin. “C’mon, please…?”

She’s extremely red, but she honors my request. “Fiiine,” she accepts, making double peace signs and a big, photogenic smile.

“Tell me what you’re thinking and feeling right now, Nobu,” I insist, right before I begin to pinch and tease at her clit.

“Mmmm… my master’s a dirty pervert who wants to lick me all over, but I let him have his way because he feels so fucking good…”

"What feels good? Be more specific," I lead on.

"Your cock, you bastard! What else?! It knows just how to hit all of the right spots. Just thinking about how I'll feel when you let your mana loose inside me is turning me on like crazy!"

She breaks her aroused trance and raises her eyebrow at me. “What’s with that look…?”

I realize I must be making a hugely smug, cocky grin as well. “Nothing. But I’m betting all the others back at the Shadow Border must be loving this.”

Her eyes widen. “W-W-What…?”

“No, seriously,” I keep pressing, “Double peace signs AND dirty talk? You’re really putting on a show here. C’mon, let’s show ‘em more!” I continue, removing her bra so that I can grab on to her bare chest. I begin licking and suckling at her nipples, and enjoying every moment of her reactions.

“Stop it master… what’s with you?!” she protests.

“What?” I reply, feigning sheepishness, “You weren’t aware that we’re being watched? We’re in a simulator, Nobu… even if it’s just to make sure we’re safe, they’re definitely monitoring us. I bet their eyes are all glued to a screen right now, watching me rail you silly.”

Nobu’s face is blushing so wildly that she’s starting to almost shake. “That’s not funny… you can't be serious… you mean to tell me… the whole time…?”

“Every second,” I tease.

“Even when you had me stick my butt in the air and spread it out and you stuck your tongue in my… KYAAAAAAAH!!!!” she screams, covering her face with her palms and shaking her head back and forth.

Her pussy feels like it’s clamping on me like a pair of pliers. I can just feel how aroused she’s getting, despite how she’s acting. “You’re just so freaking cute Nobu. I could tease you forever. And everyone knows that. And they all want to watch me do it. They love it when you and I get along. You’re really popular, you know. Even when we were all back at Chaldea, all of the men… even some of the servants, were so fucking jealous of me, knowing I get to pound your sexy pussy.”

“No… no…!! No no no no!!! Aaaaahhhhh, ahhhh!” Nobu shouts, as her words devolve into pure, sensual noises. She’s moaning like mad, and she wraps her legs and arms around me tightly as she falls backwards, essentially wrestling me to the ground on top of herself. “Fuck! Fuck!” she keeps shouting, as if she’s totally lost it.

“I knew it. You like being watched, don’t you, Nobu?” I assert, and I feel her nails dig into my back in response. “Earlier today when I summoned you, you wanted me to throw you down and fuck you right then and there in front of everyone, didn’t you?”

“I can’t… I can’t even… believe you, master! You, you…!!” she tries to speak angrily, but she’s about as angry as a barking puppy. I feel her body tense up as she maintains a steady rhythm with me, even as I speed up my thrusts. My pelvis slaps against her each time I move.

“Rest assured, they’re all seeing this now,” I explain deviously, “And I guarantee Mash is getting off to this. I bet she’s getting off _real_ hard, watching us fuck like this."

She’s panting in my ear like an animal in heat, and I keep getting her more and more excited. “Or maybe you want everyone to pretend like they don’t already know… maybe you want to keep the ‘secret’ going. That’s ok too. We’ll just sneak out at night, strip naked, and have wild and crazy sex in the hallways while everyone’s sleeping. Knowing we might wake someone up and get caught at any moment…”

“Master! Please… just let me…. aaaaahhhhhh…” she begs, her whole body twitching. This is going to be one hell of a climax.

I want to really get her pumped up for the big finale. “So what’s going to be your cover story, Nobu? When the others find you lying naked on the floor, out in the open, with my cum dripping out of your wet pussy?”

She clenches me so hard that it’s almost hard to move, but I keep up the assault while she continues moaning like crazy. “Fucking…. Fuck!! I can’t… I can’t… I’m going to…!!!!!”

“Guess there’d be no excuse, eh? You’d just have to let them all know that you’re powerless to resist my dick!” I continue, but by this point, I’M so into it that I’m having trouble talking. I keep making strong, aggressive motions, grinding up against her and rocking her back and forth with each movement. All I can do is grunt and moan just like she’s doing.

I shout her name, over and over again. “Nobu… Nobu…!!”

She grabs my hair and pulls my head, forcing me into an inescapable kiss. All I can feel anymore is her playful tongue wrapping circles around mine, and the warmth of her pussy as she cums. Her whole body spasms uncontrollably and she moans even through our connected lips. “Mmmm… MMMMMM!!!!”

Fuck… she’s so sexy that I barely last a second longer than she does. I go off like a volcano in absolute bliss, enjoying each and every splurt for several seconds, though it feels like hours. Nobu still won’t let go of me or my mouth, and I try desperately to keep from completely buckling under my own weight on top of her. As the passion of the kiss intensifies over time, I stroke my fingers through her hair assertively so that I can hold the back of her head in my palm, pulling her towards me without ever wanting to let go. 

Eventually my arms can’t hold me up any longer, and I roll off to the side so as to not crush her under me. The two of us are breathing as if we had just run a marathon, drenched entirely in sweat. I reach out and grasp her hand, and she immediately tightens a firm grip in return. It’s hard to even speak when we’re this exhausted, but she attempts regardless. “I can’t… I cannot BELIEVE you, master… holy fuck… what in the hell are we supposed to do now…”

She rolls in the other direction and huddles up as if to hide from me. Aw hell… I might have gotten too into it, and really upset her. “Nobu, are you ok…?”

“Everyone’s going to look at us weird… gaaah!!” she laments. 

“I was just kidding, Nobu,” I admit, “I know the crew well enough to know that they would respect our privacy. Even if they were watching, they would have stopped as soon as things got… interesting. Especially with Holmes there. He’s such a straight edged type of guy, he’d never let the others goof off like that.”

She rolls back over to face my direction and punches me in the arm. “You fool! Idiot! Asshole! Yeesh… you almost gave me a heart attack! I think you DID give me a heart attack…!!”

“I was just trying to see if being watched was your fetish,” I admit with a bit of guilt, “And I think I got my answer…”

Nobu starts laughing lightly, and it progresses into a full on laughing fit. “Mwhahaha! Do you want to die?!”

I roll to my side, propping my head up with my arm at an L shape. “Hey, since it really is just us… you can be honest. How was it? Did I find your fetish?” I ask mischievously.

She starts blushing again and takes a deep breath. “... We’ll strike a deal. I’ll promise to start wearing around open toed shoes for you… but you have to promise that you’ll keep extra quiet when we have wild, crazy, out-in-the-open sex at night… I’d die if we ever got caught…”

“Dude, _hell yes_ I’ll promise that,” I smile eagerly, about as excited as she probably expected me to be at such an offer. "So, in addition to that, you're going to let me be vocalist?" I bring up.

"Don't push your luck," she chuckles. 

I scoot my body in until I’m pressed against her, and I gently hold my palm against her back, slowly rubbing her along the curve of her arch, massaging her tenderly. “Hey, Nobu?” I get her attention, and the two of us have our eyes locked together as if laser focused.

“What is it, master?”

I comb my fingers through her soft, silky hair yet again and lean in for a deep and meaningful kiss. Our lips part for just long enough for me to say something briefly. “You’ve gotten way better at kissing. Oh, and also, I love you,” I tell her, before resuming our kiss.

(… I think I hear an almost inhuman-sounding “squee” shriek from extremely far away, but it’s so soft I can’t tell. Was that Mash just now…? I must be imagining things…)

Nobu giggles through her nose. She takes off her hat, pushes me onto my back, stretches her arm out across my body to hold me, and nuzzles her head under my chin to rest it against my body. “As if I, the Demon Archer Nobunaga, need to be told that. I’ve conquered battlefields and hearts alike with my refined, feminine wiles!”

“Heh,” I grin, “Then I can’t believe I’ve conquered the famous warlord Nobunaga by making her hopelessly addicted to my dick.”

Without warning, she pinches and twists my nipple. “Y-YEOWCH!!”

“Stop saying weird things and just enjoy the moment,” she encourages.

“I thought you liked me being weird?” I try to reaffirm.

She breathes in and out warmly and with a caring, kind, and content softness to her body as if she’s reached total peace. “Yeah. I guess I do like that about you,” she smiles.

\---

The two of us exit the simulation and return to the Shadow Border, both in our normal clothing while carrying our towels and swimwear with us. Before even comprehending our surroundings returning to normal, Nobu almost immediately loses her cool and takes a forceful stomp forward. “How much did you all see?!” she immediately grills. I thought we had gone over this already? She must still be a little embarrassed if she wants to make extra sure we were actually alone.

Everyone in the room is… sitting around in chairs… reading books?

“What’s going on?” Sylvia asks, her attention naturally gathered by the outburst.

“Er… what are you all doing…?” Nobu reposes as her new question.

“We took your advice and picked up some good books,” Meuniere explains, but… the book he’s holding is upside down… was he actually reading it?

“So, no one was watching us, then…?” Nobu asks curiously.

Holmes is smoking from his usual pipe. “Miss Oda, I assure you, whatever private matters transpired within the simulation will remain just that: private.”

“Told you,” I remind her reassuringly. “C’mon, let’s go drop our stuff off at the laundry room.”

“... Alright,” Nobu breaths easy, releasing some of her skepticism. She heads out of the room first, with me attempting to follow right behind her.

“Mr. Fujimura,” I hear Holmes call out to me, and feel his hand plant atop my shoulder. I turn around to see what he wants.

While still holding my shoulder, without a single word, he gives me a thumbs up, with his facial expression not changing in the slightest. 

…

His nose actually IS bleeding.

I look around and see that everyone else in the room is shooting me thumbs up as well, and ALL of their noses are bleeding.

Oh fuck, were they _actually_ …?

"I actually know how to play the drums, you know," Sylvia tells me, "If you're still looking for a drummer."

“Fujimaru,” commander Goldolf calls out to me, holding his fist in front of his mouth to cough but otherwise maintaining (or attempting to maintain) a serious face. “The crew and I were having an open discussion, and we simply must insist that the two of you use the simulator more often.”

“For your health, and for your own good, of course, Mr. Warlord Conqueror~!” Da Vinci winks.

Mash is practically vibrating in place while still blushing like a fangirl. “And Senpai, just remember that the rooms of the Shadow Border have an echo. So try not to make too much noise if you find yourself going out for any _midnight snacks!_ ”

I run out of the room, and now I’M the embarrassed one. I guess I might have some explaining to do to Nobu...


	2. Things get Steamy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God "TF2 pre-order bonus items" is such a dated ass reference at this point

I sit in a chair that has been flipped around backwards, so I’m able to rest my arms and chin on the part that would normally rest your back. Though I was at first rather absorbed in what I was watching, I’ve since slightly dozed off a bit. I’m knocked out of my daze by the sound of an explosion on the computer screen, and I see that a war ship is going up in flames.

“Mwheheheh…” Nobunaga cackles menacingly, “What an amateur move, trying to ambush my forces by sea. It’s as if you learned nothing from our confrontation at Suruga, foolish Tokugawa dogs!”

I yawn a bit. “How long have you been playing at this point?” I ask plainly, “Isn’t it about time to give it a rest?”

“No way, I’m playing the domination campaign. All or nothing, baby!” she responds pridefully.

I reach out and stroke my fingers through her hair, getting a very subtle pleased response from her, but doing little to steal her attention away from her real time strategy. “But Nobuuu, I’m boreeed. Can’t we have some fun or something?”

“Master, is it perhaps that you aren’t the type to like video games…?” She questions with wide-eyes. 

“What the heck are you talking about?” I fire back, “You’re signed into _MY_ Steam account right now! The only reason we even have this Shogun 2 game in our library is because I preordered to get the Team Fortress II bonus items!”

“Ah, yes. I had forgotten. I did enjoy what I played of that one, too,” she recalls, “Particularly the Sniper class. If we would have had access to such accurate rifles in my day, I would have sniped all of the enemy generals myself! BOOM! Mwahahaha, headshot!”

Judging by the wholesome smile I feel on my face, I can’t bring myself to get upset with her unbridled enthusiasm. I continue to groom her hair, massaging her scalp, since she doesn’t seem to mind it. In fact, I can feel from her body motions that she’s happily receptive to the simple, affectionate gesture. And I could enjoy Nobu’s hair all day long, it’s so long and luscious…

We continue on like this for some time, with her focused on her campaign. RTS games aren't really my thing, so I can't really tell if she's winning or losing. I assume every time she chuckles that something good has happened, at least. 

At this particular moment, it seems like the battles and action have quieted into another planning phase. Without needing to keep laser sharp focus on a million different units at once, she lets her guard down to relax. She closes her eyes and sighs with content, and I have a hunch it's from my massaging. I confirm this by changing tactics to scratch and tickle the back of her neck, causing her to quiver a bit. Through her closed mouth she hums a noise of satisfaction; a cross between a moan and a laugh.

Finally! I was getting tired of being ignored. I scoot my chair against hers so that I may wrap around her from behind. I take the opportunity to kiss her neck for an extended time, rolling my lips and nibbling at her skin.

She reaches backwards and pats my head a few times like a wrestler trying to tag out of the ring. "C'mon, now… don't over do it. You're going to give me a hickey…"

"Good," I mumble with smugness, still pressed against her neck. Though she is amused, she still continues tapping me with rising intensity until I eventually stop. I rest my chin on her shoulder and simply continue holding her. "Doesn't it take you down memory lane?" I reminisce, "I don't think either of us have gotten a hickey since… man, it must have been the summer race."

"Heh," she chortles, "I must admit, that was indeed one hell of a… well, it was a lot of things."

"You were so pent up from that stupid prison fiasco that you practically attacked me as soon as we had a moment alone together," I laugh upon recalling, "Your race partner said she overheard us and that she was worried we were having a fight."

Nobu changes her voice to quote her friend. “'Domestic abuse between a master and servant is unacceptable! ...Unless one of them is a Saber!'"

While I’m this close to Nobu, I can easily hear her breathing intensify little by little. I really love these sentimental moments we share. It reminds me that no matter how goofy she and I can be, what we share together is still very real. “Hey, come to think of it, when exactly did we fall for each other, anyway?”

It looks like another skirmish is picking up in her game, but she still seems to be considering the question. “It feels like things have always been this way. I can’t say I recall in specific!” she answers, “It would have certainly been at some point before Camelot. You were so excited after we triumphed over that cheat code-using Gawain fellow that you kissed me in front of everyone.”

“I did?” I blink. 

“How can you not remember that? Even BEDIVERE was blushing after that.”

“That had to have been a heat-of-the-moment thing, hmm,” I reason, and I’m starting to get a vague recollection of the event she’s speaking of. “I guess if that’s the case, maybe that’s when Mash started to ship us…”

By now Nobu's mouse is clicking like crazy as she’s trying to micromanage her armies during the growing chaos of battle. Just thinking back to all of the memories we share together makes me want to hold her and never let go! I’m feeling a little cheeky, enough to start playing around with her while she’s trying to concentrate. I swooce my hands underneath her shirt and up until I can cup them around her chest. I knew she wasn’t wearing a bra, because the two of us have basically been gaming all day in our PJs. Today has just been one of those days. So that’s one less thing to worry about, and I can focus on massaging her breasts.

“Hey hey hey hey!” she protests, squirming a little bit in place, “I’m taking heavy losses to my cavalry on the eastern side of the battlefield, let me focus!” she giggles, trying to sound mad but not fooling anyway.

With my fingernails I start to draw lazy circles around her areola, but I don’t touch her nipples quite yet. Just a bit of teasing. Making sure that she’ll crave more. I can already feel her chest expanding out and back in rhythm with her diaphragm as her breaths get more intense. It looks like she’s biting her lip to try and keep collected. I just can’t help but want to keep turning her on. I pull her shirt up completely to expose her bare skin underneath.

After keeping her on edge for quite some time, I finally begin to pinch at and squeeze her nipples, just barely pulling and twisting here and there. She’s _really_ trying not to give in… a worthy opponent, indeed.

“No wonder you were able to conquer so much of Japan, with an iron fortitude like this,” I joke, moving my hands in circles to tug at her breasts more roughly than before, and I keep rolling her nipples between my finger and thumb. “I wonder what the other daimyo would say if they knew that the great Nobunaga herself was sitting at her throne with her boy toy playing with her titties?”

“Gaaaah I’m going to lose the battle at this rate!!” she pleads, trying to wiggle me away. She’s so adorable!

“A leader should be out there with their troops, don’t you think?” I keep speaking, “Think about it, showing your whole army your exposed boobs while your man makes you his own in front of everyone. Seeing your sexy face would really raise the morale of the ashigaru, I’d bet!”

Nobu struggles, trying not to raise her voice. “I mean it, master! This is the most important battle of the war, I have to win this!”

I feel something trickle against the back of my hand, and realize that Nobu is drooling. I move my hand upwards to wipe her chin off, and I slowly slide two of my fingers into her mouth. She curls her lips around them like candy and almost bites down, with just enough pressure to trap them from escaping. I think she’s trying to hold them in place just so I can’t keep bothering her with this hand, heh.

However, I will not be defeated so easily. With my free hand, I slide down her belly and through the elastic on her underwear, and her by-now moist pussy practically welcomes my fingers inside of it. At this point, the battle is mine. “And just imagine what your enemies would think… their greatest rival and foe, spreading her legs and getting pleasured in broad daylight. As if to say, ‘you worthless jokes mean nothing to me! Seethe with rage and jealousy as my forces crush your feeble resistance. As you can see, I, Oda Nobunaga, and my hot stud of a man, have better things to do with our time!’”

Nobu snickers until she cracks up, trying to hide her moans with humor. “Damn it all, master!” she shouts, though it’s somewhat muffled by my fingers. “I'm warning you!”

“Ok, ok, I give. I’ll stop talking,” I admit to her, “You focus on winning that battle,” I finally give in and stop, giving her a chance to pull her shirt back down and try to refocus on her game. I let her have the peace and quiet she wanted, but even as minutes pass, she’s still wound up. “ARGH! You knew this would happen, master…” she mumbles. Still biting her lip, she’s now rocking her pelvis back and forth in her chair, trying futilely to vent the arousal I’d helped her to build up. “... You stupid fool. As SOON as I finish this campaign, you better be ready for the consequences of your actions!”

I lean in and kiss her on the cheek. “I can’t wait,” I whisper, enjoying how rapidly she blushes.

And here we are, roughly back where we started. I’m simply sitting in a backwards chair watching Nobu play Total War. Though this time around both of us are incredibly in the mood. I’m legitimately rooting for her to win as fast as possible at this point because as soon as that's over she’s going to pounce on me like--

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” she screams out of nowhere, and I’m startled enough to fall backwards and knock over my chair.

If the door to my room wasn’t an automatic sliding-style, Mash would have kicked it down judging by how rapidly she bursts into the room. She approaches us, speaking incredibly rapidly. “I heard someone scream! Senpai, are you ok?!”

“Yeah, I am. Nobu, why did you yell, though?”

“I won! I finally won!! MWHAHAHAHA!!” she cheers, jumping out of her seat and pumping her fists into the air, “After centuries of waiting, the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven, Oda Nobunaga, has finally triumphed and unified all of Japan! This is a glorious day!!”

Without any warning, Nobu rushes at me, grabs me by the collar, and yanks me into a kiss. She’s basically an unstoppable force at this point. Even when our lips part, she keeps me held so close that our noses are basically pressed against one another, and she stares me down with a furrowed brow and an incredibly cocky smirk. “I finally made it, despite your selfish attempts to sabotage my efforts… so now it’s time to pay up. Finish what you started and _take me_.”

“HNNNRRRGGH,” Mash groans loudly, dropping to the ground and clutching her heart in pain. The two of us immediately snap back into reality, and I rush over to help Mash back up to her feet.

“O-Oh, Mash! When did, uh… when did you get here? Hahaha…” Nobu laughs uneasily. “I’m sorry, I was caught in the heat of the moment and didn’t notice you.”

“That’s quite alright!!” Mash smiles back, “It was my fault for barging in unannounced. Unfortunately, I hate to interrupt, but the commander is calling us all for a meeting. I actually came to let you know that."

"Oh… is that so…" I reply, trying not to sound disappointed. 

Nobu is still so heated that her legs are basically crossed sideways and she’s still rocking back and forth from her toes to her heels. “Hmm, thank you for that. But, can it wait, maybe, an hour? Or two?” 

Mash takes out a handkerchief to block a nosebleed before it can develop. “I’m sorry… you know how the commander gets. He says this meeting is pretty important. I’m sure it won’t be too long before you two can get back to, erm, playing your war games.”

I sigh. “Should we get changed?”

“Probably not, they want us there urgently. I’m sure what you’re wearing is fine,” she answers.

“Alright. Tell them we’ll be right there,” I confirm.

Mash nods and leaves the room. Nobu takes a few steps to follow her, but I reach out and grab her wrist and pull her back. I scoop my arm around her back and lift one of her legs, leaning her backwards as if the two of us were doing a formal dance together. “Guess we’ll just have to bear the wait a little bit longer,” I tease.

Nobu pinches my cheek in annoyance. “Your devilish temptations are going to backfire on you, you raunchy fool of a master. You’re going to be shriveled up by the time we’re done.”

I pull her back up and embrace her. “Maybe they won’t notice if we’re a little late…”

“Senpai? Nobu? Are you coming?” Mash calls from the hallway.

Damn. “That’s a complicated question to answer,” I reply. Guess we don’t have a choice but to go to the meeting.


	3. Shake it, quake it, space KABOOM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just work that body, work that body make sure you don't hurt no body

I admit, I may have gone a little overboard earlier. I don’t think either Nobu or I can focus on much, since we’re so busy thinking of each other. I forgot all about this meeting thinking we’d have the evening to ourselves… now we’ve had to put all of that spicy tension on hold. 

“Yes. We should be able to begin shortly,” Goldolf observes. Everyone on the team has gathered within the command room of the Shadow Border, having taken seats facing a display board, much like a military briefing. The commander extends a pointer stick out and begins tapping it against his palm repeatedly. “Is everyone accounted for?”

“We’re all here,” Mash responds.

“Very well,” the commander nods, “As you are all aware, it’s that time again. That means it’s time for our most important discussion of the week.”

Everyone watches him with anticipation.

“We need to decide which film to watch for community movie night,” he continues. “We’ve kept steady with the six ‘Star Wars’ films for some time. But now that we’ve finished the series from start to finish, we need to pick our next cinematic endeavor.”

“Wait, I thought there were three more ‘Star Wars’ movies after episode six?” Meuniere calls.

“No there aren’t,” the commander shakes his head.

“I could have sworn--”

“ **_No there aren’t,_ **” he repeats conclusively, and then clears his throat. “Does anyone have any specific suggestions?” he polls.

“Whatever we watch, can we not invite Holmes?” Da Vinci requests, “He went and spoiled the biggest plot twist in episode five for everyone!”

Holmes looks taken aback. “I beg your pardon? Was it not sufficiently apparent by their mannerisms and the overall narrative that there was familial relation between them?”

“He spoiled ‘The Sixth Sense’ when we watched that one, too!” Sylvia adds.

“Oh, come now,” Holmes protests, “That one was obvious.”

"I guess any mysteries or suspense films are off the table…" Mash realizes with dejection in her voice.

“Let’s just watch an action movie!” Nobu pitches, “I’ve heard good things about ‘John Wicks!’”

“‘John Wick,’” I correct.

“Right! That one,” she nods.

“I’m… not a very big fan of excessively violent movies,” Goldolf interjects. Now that I think about it, we’ve all seen him react squeamishly to graphic scenes in previous movies…

"What about comedy?" Meuniere suggests, “There’s this old classic called ‘Caddyshack’ we might enjoy.”

“That one is so overrated!” Da Vinci scoffs.

Honestly, while this conversation continues, I kind of zone out. I’m more focused on Nobu right now, anyway. Since we’re seated at the back, I can pat my hand on her thigh and begin rubbing her sweetly without drawing any attention to ourselves. She starts burning excess energy as her leg jostles restlessly, and she in turn places her hand on top of mine. She weaves her fingers in between mine and begins clenching me tightly like a stress toy. She then slides her palm under mine so that we can hold hands traditionally. I try to regain focus on the discussion.

“I think we’re really not giving ‘Uncut Gems’ a fair chance just because it’s an Adam Sandler movie,” Goldolf argues.

“So was that a no to ‘Planes 2: Fire and Rescue?’” Sylvia speaks, sounding disappointed.

“I don’t believe we’ve even seen the first one!” Mash points out.

Yeah… they aren’t getting anywhere. I scoot my chair closer as quietly as I can. Honestly? Fuck it, I’ll take the risk. I move my hand up Nobu’s leg and closer towards her crotch, watching sweat drip down her forehead from the thrill of hoping no one will--

“Fujimaru,” the commander calls to me, surprising Nobu and I enough to jump in our seats as we scramble to make it look like we weren’t doing anything. “You’ve been pretty quiet. You’re usually quite passionate about movie night! Don’t you have any movie ideas?”

Damn, uh… gotta think of something, quick! “... Space Jam?”

Everyone looks around at one another and they slowly start to nod their heads together. “Looks like we’re all in favor. Sure, let’s go with that one,” Goldolf agrees, “Alright, to the entertainment room, everyone!”

We all get up from our chairs and start moving that direction. Nobu and I are the last two left in the room, and before I can make it to the door she grabs my shoulders and pins me against the wall. “Do you have no shame whatsoever, master? I can’t take it anymore! Just tell them that we’re both feeling under the weather or something and we can’t make it!”

“Actually, I think I have an idea that you might like…” I speak up, quickly running to my room to grab a few things.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Nobu mutters.

I get what I need, and the two of us walk to the entertainment room, where we enter to find the rest of the crew.

“Senpai, we tried to save a seat for the two of you!” Mash explains, “But it’s still going to be a little cramped.” 

“Why do we only have one really large couch and not individual seats?” Sylvia asks.

“Well excuse me for not designing the Shadow Border with an in-home theater in mind!” Da Vinci fires back defensively, “We’re making due with what we’ve got here.”

There’s _almost_ enough room on the far side of the couch for Nobu and I to sit down. But not comfortably. “It can’t be helped,” she remarks, “I’ll just sit in master’s lap.”

This works entirely to our favor anyway. Excellent...

“Are you cold, Fujimaru?” Meuniere asks me, noticing that I’ve brought a large blanket with me. 

“Yeah, just a little bit,” I laugh unassumingly. I sit down and Nobu joins me just as she said she would, and I throw the blanket around both of us to obscure most of our bodies from view.

From right to left, it’s us two, Mash, Holmes, Goldolf, Da Vinci, Sylvia, and Meuniere. “Alright, settle down, now,” Da Vinci calms us, turning off the lights in the room as the movie begins playing.

Naturally I have other plans. Nobu knows about the blanket, but what she doesn't know is that I’ve brought a few other tools of the trade. I bide my time until the opening theme song starts, since fairly loud music and cheering plays through it. It’s more than enough noise from the surround sound to hide Nobu’s brief, but sharp, “EEP,” upon me greeting her to the small vibrator toy I brought in my pocket. She starts elbowing me and shaking her head as if that will dissuade me from going any further. But where’s the fun in that? 

As I continue pressing the toy against her clit, I pull her body snuggly against my own and begin to feel intoxicated by her smell. I feel the sweat on her skin the more and more I send waves of pleasure through her. Exactly the kind of naughty pleasure I know she wants. We both know we could get caught at any moment if she makes any noise, and the thought of that drives her absolutely wild. 

I’ve gotten pretty good at reading Nobu’s body. I can tell by the way she squirms cutely and the way that her muscles tense sporadically that she’s getting very close. She’s gripping my thighs with so much force that it would probably hurt, if I weren’t so hyper focused on how aroused I am myself. 

“Mr. Fujimaru, Miss Oda,” Holmes whispers to us. The shock terrifies both of us and sends a shiver down our spines. I’m worried our hearts have literally stopped. He’s staring at us really hard, and he begins to raise one of his eyebrows. Fuck. I didn’t think we’d get caught this easily. Fuuuuck…

He holds up a bowl, and his expression changes as he closes his eyes and smiles at us. “Popcorn?” he offers, extending the bowl towards us.

Nobu cautiously reaches her arm out from the blanket and grabs a handful. “T-Thank you,” she smiles. We’re breathing even _more_ deeply now, though I’m not sure if it’s because of the relief or because of the excitement. I don’t know how much longer we can keep at this before just totally losing it.

“Hey, Nobu,” Mash speaks, “You aren’t looking so good. You’re drenched in sweat. Maybe you should have Senpai take you back to your room so he can tend to you.”

“Yes!” Nobu nods, “Thank you for your concern! Hahaha! Let’s get going, master! _Like, right now._ ”

“Thanks for looking out for us, Mash,” I smile. I pick up Nobu bridal style and carry her out of the room and back to ours at a lightning pace. I feel kind of bad about ditching movie night! But I think I might explode if I wait any longer. 

Nobu's face is damp with sweat and she's blushing out of control as she pulls me over to--

The next thing I know, I've somersaulted through the air. I feel the bed under my back, my head is hanging off the edge of the mattress, and the world looks upside down. "Did you just Judo flip me?" I try to ask through the stars I'm seeing. 

Oh man. Nobu's panties are already off and she's totally bottomless. I just want to reach out and rub the smooth skin of her legs. She walks towards me until she's standing right next to my head. To my surprise and joy, she grabs my head with both hands and forces me face first into her crotch. "You are definitely incorrigible, master. You've been pulling my chain all day long, and you're going to make it up to me. For the rest of the night you're going to be my plaything, so start making me feel good!"

Her voice wavered even as she was speaking, because I'm already feasting on her. She's making no effort to hide her pleased moans as I can feel her lifting my legs so that she can pull my pajama pants off. This is the weirdest 69 we've ever been in… but Nobu sounds happy, so I'm happy. 

She's by this point pulled her shirt off as well, and she's wearing nothing but her signature hat now. While I continue exploring her with my tongue, I reach my arms around her waist to grab both sides of her butt. I can't get enough of how squishy and fun to hold her cheeks are. 

While I enjoy every aspect of her amazing body, she's off having her own misadventures with mine. For a brief moment I feel warm air against my cock, right before I feel her shove it into her mouth. I feel like I'm melting as she begins moving her lips up and down. We stay like this for quite some time, pleasing one another in ecstacy. However, I’m starting to get tunnel vision.

I try to get her out of my face long enough to get a few words out. “Hey, Nobu, time out, all the blood is starting to rush to my head while I’m hanging upside down like this!”

“It’s about time!” she speaks between long licks, “Clearly it hasn’t been before now, judging by how much of an idiot you’ve been acting all day.”

She feels so good, and I love her taste, but this is getting out of hand. “For real, I’m starting to get a little dizzy here…”

She gyrates her hips around, and she clenches her thighs against my head, and I can tell she’s barely hearing me anymore. “Come on, bear with it a little longer! I’m so close!”

She leaves me with no choice but to hit the emergency escape button. With an already firm grasp of her butt, it’s a trivial matter to spread her cheeks, leaving her wide open for me to slide a finger right in. She immediately jumps, predictably. “N-N-N-NO!! NOT AGAIN!!” she cries out in panic, trying to wiggle her way away from me, but I’ve got her wrapped tightly and she’s not going anywhere. She grabs at my wrist and tries to pull my finger out, but I’ve already staked everything on this counterattack, so I’m going to see it through.

I keep stirring up her insides with my tongue, and her whole body is trembling. By now I feel my face covered in all of the love juices that have been leaking out of her since she started this bizarre tryst, but I just need one more little push to get her over the edge… a nibble and a few licks to her clit will get the job done. I think Nobu just tried to scream, but her voice cracked completely and only a small, guttural noise came out.

I finally release her and she stumbles backwards two or three steps, almost falling over. As I orient myself into a normal position, my vision dims into blackness for a few seconds as the blood gets flowing again, and when I’m able to see clearly again I’m treated to quite a sight.

Nobu has by this point lain out her back against the floor, and even her hat has fallen off and rolled a slight distance away. Now completely, 100% naked, she’s repeatedly thrusting her hips high into the air in convulsions while aggressively playing with herself. She’s gritting her teeth and I can tell she’s struggling to endure what must feel like shockwaves from such an explosive finish. After what must have been at least thirty seconds, she goes limp and falls flat against the floor, covering her eyes with her forearm and panting as if her breath had been taken away.

I am so fucking turned on right now. Get ready, Nobu. There’s going to be more where that came from!


	4. Just another conquest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All that laying around on the floor can't be good for your back...

There's a special, intimate feeling that I only get upon seeing the one I love in pure bliss, and knowing that I was the one who brought her to it. Nobu is sprawled out on the ground, trying to catch her breath, and almost twitching as she basks in afterglow. I just have to see more of her like this.

But, uh… maybe a quick rest first to recuperate. My head is spinning...

I get up from the bed, wobbling a bit with dizziness before balancing properly. I make my way over to Nobu, and I sit down cross-legged next to her. She’s covering her eyes with her arm across her face, but I can still reach out and gently rub her smooth cheek with my thumb. 

“... That good, huh?” I joke, getting a snicker out of her.

Nobu expands her lungs with a big, full-body breath. “You are absolutely unbelievable, do you know that?” she replies.

Well that’s pretty ambiguous wording. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

She punches me in the arm. “My butt feels all weird now because of you,” she admits with a frustrated blush. Nobu moves her arm to her forehead so that I can see her eyes as she looks at me. With her other arm, she grabs my hand and holds it with quite a strong grip while smiling at me. "That kicked ass, but we’re nowhere near finished yet,” she explains, with a tone so seductive that I almost feel my body tingle with each word that leaves her lips. 

She lets go of my hand to reach down and grab a hold of my staff and begins slowly stroking. Her eyes narrow and she makes the incredibly smug smile that she knows I adore. I've been at the tipping point for what must have been hours now, and this simple, sexy glance is all it takes. "Nobu, I can't hold it any longer…"

"Ah! You're going to make a mess all over me if you do that now! Quick, up here," she instructs me, scrambling to pull me towards her mouth. She leans her head up just in time to wrap her lips around the tip, and she licks the back of it just a few times.

"Fuuuuuuuck…" I exhale, grabbing her head with both hands and pulling her closer towards me as she starts to drain me. I can't think of anything other than Nobu's face as she takes it all in her mouth. 

By the time the last shots are out, I'm shaking. Nobu manages to get it all down, still sucking on the tip. After the last gulp, she opens her eyes and we stare in direct contact at each other. Even with her mouth in an O-shape, I can see a smile curve on the edges of her lips. I'm already ready to go for another.

"Ready for round 2?" I ask eagerly, softly scratching my fingers behind her ear.

"In a minute, I'm still riding the last wave," she giggles, "I need to wait a bit for the excitement to strike again."

"I think I can speed that up," I inform her, "You know the door to the room is still wide open, right?"

Nobu looks to the side and sees it for herself, and in a rush she pushes me off of her and frantically picks up her clothes from the ground to try and cover her breasts. "Oh fuck… oh hell…"

Both of us are still roughly in sitting positions, and I grab her shoulder and pull her against myself. "Imagine if someone had come by during that… Oda Nobunaga slurping on a fat cock would be quite the sight," I tease her.

The thought of being seen instantly flips her switch back into overdrive. She's red as a tomato from embarrassment, but I press my palm against her groin and feel she's like a leaking faucet. However, her breathing starts to increase faster and it seems more like she's panicking. Aw hell, I might have overdone it again...

"Hey, hey. Nobu, it's ok. Everything's going to be fine. They're all super invested in movie night, no ones going to come this way," I reassure her and draw her in for a soft and sweet hug, caressing her head and kissing her cheek.

She starts to calm down and hugs me back intensely. I kiss her forehead, still stroking her head. "I'm sorry, I keep pushing this exhibitionist thing too hard. I just thought that the thrill turned you on."

It's a few moments before she says anything to respond. "Uwahahaha! I got a little too heated, sorry about that, master!" she laughs, surprisingly. Despite her voice showing regained confidence, she still clings to me tightly as if she’ll never let go. The two of us hold one another without any words for quite some time, until I can hear Nobu breath easily with content. "But, for real, I didn't even know I had this kink until a few days ago! I feel like I need time to… adjust, I suppose."

"I getcha," I smile, "Are you ready to go again yet?"

"Yeah, of course!" she answers excitedly before aggressively shoving my back to the ground, "You're still not off the hook for pushing my buttons, you idiot!"

"Now that's the self-assured, badass Nobu I know," I grin. "But, uh, should I go close the door first?" I offer.

She looks at the door frame and into the hallway for a bit of time before making up her mind. She gulps, but then looks right back at me and shakes her head. "If someone sees, then it can't be helped," she smirks with an intensely rosy glow to her cheeks and a little bit of a nosebleed. She lifts her leg across my body and soon she's hovering right over me. She slides the tip of my dick up and down her slit. “Tell me what you want, master,” she urges me.

“I want _you,_ Nobu,” I answer passionately.

Her face becomes even more flushed from the sweet talk. “B-Buffoon,” she stutters, “Of course I know that. You know what I meant! Sheesh, and you’re usually the one good at the dirty talk. Tell me what you want to _do to me,_ master.” 

“I want to stir you up all night long,” I tell her, my eyes anxiously trained on where our genitals are touching, “I want to make sweet, cuddly love to you. But I also want to rough you up and make you scream until your voice goes hoarse. And if we have all night together, we can keep switching back and forth until we can’t move anymore.”

She keeps me waiting, still leading me on with small, sliding motions without letting me enter her yet. “That movie won’t last all night, we’ll be caught for sure if you make that much noise. And what will you do then?”

“I’ll have you make a peace sign for the rest of the crew as they watch you ride me,” I tease, “And what about YOU? What will YOU do when everyone swarms in here and sees us fucking each other’s brains out?”

“I… I would…” she tries to answer but finds herself getting caught up in the moment by the mere thought. She drops teasing me with her pussy and sits down uneventfully… “I don’t know, I honestly don’t know,” she finally admits.

I just want to say something to cheer her up at this point… “You know, I was serious when I told you that you were popular the other day,” I reassure her, “Everyone looks up to you and your accomplishments. I haven’t really told you the details yet, have I? Of your summoning here. We can only manifest a handful of servants due to space and limited resources. And obviously you already know that I picked you. But did I tell you the decision was unanimous?”

She seems surprised, and leans in close to my face. “Wait, really? You mean it?” she blinks.

“Of course,” I nod with a warm smile, reaching out with both hands to playfully squish her cheeks together like pancakes. “They wouldn’t have let me pick you if they didn’t all like you.”

Nobu seems to be getting cold shivers. 

“Honestly, I’m not even kidding,” I continue, “If we asked the crew to watch, they’d probably be down! They already know about the teasing and the games we play with each other anyway. It might be kinda weird at first, sure… but I bet it would get you really revved up, yeah?”

She bites her lip, laughs softly, and takes a deep breath. 

“Face it, ‘Lord Nobunaga,’” I butter her up, “You’re the badass Demon King of the warring states! What’s a little bit of sexual conquest on top of all of your other conquests?” 

She drags her hand against my bicep and slowly rakes her fingers down my arm until reaching my hand. She lifts my arm up and sensually kisses the inside of my palm, then presses my hand against the side of her face to snuggle against it. “You always seem to say the right things but in the weirdest ways,” she sighs. 

My face must be lit up with a smile by this point. “Sorry if my way with words is weird,” I laugh.

With her other hand, she massages my cock back into action and resumes hovering directly over it. “Fine then. You’ve convinced me. If we ever get caught, then I’ll laugh and let them watch. They'll just have to pay witness to how this weirdo master is the latest prize to be stolen by the Demon King Nobunaga on her unstoppable path of ambition!"

She handles my tool right into her pussy and slides as far down as she's able to. She's barely able to contain what amounts to a gasp for air from the sensation. “Oh fuck…” she finally moans seductively.

"The only chance we'll get caught is if this master sends his sweet, sexy Demon King spiralling into another screaming-loud orgasm like he did a few minutes ago," I taunt back.

"We'll see who's screaming by the end of this," she cackles, grinding her hips around in a circle that almost makes my body want to beg for more. She immediately goes for my nipples, pinching and twisting them in a way that I can’t decide if I like or hate...

I turn the tables by starting to rapidly thrust upwards, making it look like she's bouncing on top of a bucking bronco. Her hair sways back and forth, her titillating boobs bounce splendidly, and even her head rocks back and forth from the powerful motions we're both sending at one another.

“I think tonight I’m going to break the news to the others about your burning desire to be watched in the act,” I tease her, sliding my hands up and down the curves of her hips.

“W-What, tonight?!” she repeats in disbelief, “You mean, like, as soon as we finish?!”

“Who says we have to wait that long? I was thinking more ‘during,’” I joke with laughter, “I’ll just pick you up and carry you on over to the entertainment room. We’ll walk in there butt naked with your legs spread high and my cock still buried in you. ‘Hey guys, check it out!’”

Nobu’s moaning turns me on even more, but our stupid dialogue keeps us laughing. I love how intricately we can weave humor and romance with our rapport. “You’re just eating this up now, aren’tcha? Big bad master figured out my kink and now he won’t shut up about it. Don’t forget that I’m in on your secrets too!” she threatens. While still bobbing up and down atop me using the strength of her arms, she lifts her legs and bends them at just the right angle that she can lay both of her feet and cover the majority of my face. “Mmmmm, just look at you. I can feel you’re getting harder than ever right now.”

God, she’s telling the truth. “I hope you realize that this means war, Demon King,” I bellow with a menacing fake voice. I get up from the ground and grab Nobu’s arms to lift her up with me. I toss her against the bed with a fluffy bounce and then bend her over the side of it. I mount her and pound her like a jackhammer from behind, and in no time I have her wailing like a banshee. I think I’m grunting like a gorilla but that’s besides the point. I’m driving Nobu wild and that’s all I can think about. 

I learn forward myself until my body is fully pressed against hers, with both of us leaning over the bed at right angles. I reach under her arms so that I can grab and forcefully fondle her breasts, and I maneuver my head to the side of hers so that I can whisper sweet words into her ear. “I’m the most fortunate man in the world, getting to love you so hard and getting to hear you moan in ecstasy like this.”

She turns her head to me, and she extends her arm under my chin and up around my head to pull me into a kiss. Our lips mingle and our tongues wrestle for what could be hours as far as I’m concerned. I could burst at any moment, but I hold as tightly as possible until I can be sure that I feel her orgasm. Soon enough, the trembles take over and my kiss is only barely able to muffle her attempted scream. With that taken care of, I let loose and lose all sense of time and space as I cum inside Nobu, locked in a passionate embrace. I could stay like this forever, but if we just hang out here naked while I’m on top of her we really _will_ be found out. As much as I teased her, I don’t know if she’d ever actually legitimately want that. Who knows? Maybe someday when she’s more comfortable with the matter.

For now, I lift her legs over the bed and under the covers and climb in with her. With both of us blanketed snuggly, we keep making out until sleep visits both of us. “I love you, Nobu,” I speak gently. I hear her laugh softly through her nose right before I drift off.


	5. Anyway, how is your sex life?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some reason it just really amuses me imagining that the entirety of the crew inexplicably has comprehensive knowledge of Western pop culture

“Great call on the movie, Fujimaru,” commander Goldolf compliments me. He takes a bite of breakfast and wipes his mouth with a kerchief. “Everyone loved it. Well, everyone except Holmes.”

The man in focus is more occupied smoking from his pipe than actually eating. “Now, I didn’t say I didn’t like it. I simply found it juvenile. I’m of the opinion that any children’s movie should be sufficiently appreciable on different levels by adult audiences.”

“Are you kidding me?” Meuniere contrasts, “That scene where Bill Murray showed up to play basketball? Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.”

“You sure have drab taste in movie stars,” Da Vinci swipes at him. The two have evidently been feuding since the Caddyshack suggestion.

“I’m serious!” he argues, “Look at ‘Ghostbusters.’ That’s a PERFECT example of a film kids enjoy that the parents can enjoy too.”

“Personally I would have used an example like ‘Toy Story’ or ‘Monster’s Inc.’” Sylvia suggests.

“You sure do love Pixar,” Meuniere recognizes.

“No, I agree. They were excellent examples,” Holmes concedes with a nod, puffing a small ring of smoke. “Dare I say a multifaceted film capable of entertaining the youth yet captivating the mature with complex emotional themes may be more praiseworthy than one which only achieves one or the other.”

You’re probably wondering why Nobu and I haven’t said much. Well, that’s because the little devil has been extending her leg under the table where no one can see it, and she’s been using her foot to play games with my crotch. I’m trying really hard to ignore her advances. She’s slowly winning the battle, however. And her confident smirk isn’t helping… with her elbow on the table and resting her head against her fist, she looks right at me, extremely amused at the reaction I’m making to her tomfoolery. Damn, she knows I love it when she has a smug face.

I must persevere! I’ll hold out through breakfast with the rest of the crew, and then I’ll take her back to the room and spin her around the world. But until then, I mustn’t nut!

“Well, the important thing is that Fou liked ‘Space Jam,’” Mash smiles, watching our furry companion pantomiming dribbling a hard-boiled egg like a basketball.

“Personally, I don’t think we watch enough _bad_ movies,” Da Vinci laughs, “There’s a special kind of enjoyment to be had tearing apart mediocre films. Like the terrible acting in the ‘Star Wars’ prequels.”

Goldolf clanks his glass against the table loudly. “We aren’t having this conversation again,” he asserts.

“It’s worth noting that George Lucas intentionally directed some of the acting to be hollow in order to amplify the awkwardness of the teen romance between Anakin and Padmé,” Merlin points out, with a piece of bacon hanging out of his mouth.

“See, this guy gets it--” Goldolf begins, before jumping up from his chair and drawing his handgun. “Who the blue hell are you?! How did you get in here?!”

“That’s Merlin,” Nobu introduces, “He just kind of shows up whenever he feels like it.”

“Yo,” the wizard raises his hand to gesture a greeting. Fou pelts him with the egg from earlier. “Good to see you again, too,” he tells Fou with obvious sarcasm. 

“I-I see,” the commander calms down, adjusting his shirt collar and holstering his gun. “The one from Babylonia, if I recall. Aren’t you supposed to be off in a tower somewhere?”

“Normally, yes, but considering the Earth of proper human history was… well, you know…” he reminds us, “I guess I’ll be up front. Can I crash with you guys? I’ll pay rent, if that’s an issue.”

“Somehow I doubt you’re actually good for that,” I joke.

“He’s the most dependable undependable person you’ll ever meet,” Da Vinci comments.

Merlin thinks about it for a few seconds. “Heh. Yeah. You’re probably right.”

“... And you’ve been here the whole time?” Goldolf questions, “Wait a minute, Holmes, aren’t you the most observant person in existence? How did you not notice him here?”

“I did though,” Holmes raises an eyebrow. “I thought everyone else did, too. It’s not like he made his entrance a secret.”

“I’m glad to see that you’re ok!” Mash tells our new guest with relief, “I was worried when we weren’t able to summon you in Russia.”

Merlin smiles, “I appreciate the concern. It just took me a while to actually find you guys, otherwise I would have joined up sooner.”

“I have a question for you, shaggy wizard,” Nobu presents, briefly ceasing her undercover sexual harassment long enough for me to cool down. “Can you play the bass?”

He blinks. “What, like a bass guitar? Sorry, I’m not one for stringed instruments. That’s more of Tristan’s thing. I can play a mean keyboard though.”

“Oh, we could use one of those, too. Want to be in our rock band?” she further questions.

“Sure, that sounds fun,” he nods.

“Nice!” Sylvia cheers. Given that she’s our drummer now, she’s just as invested in getting a line up as we are. “You know though, come to think of it, Merlin showing up reminds me that we haven’t really discussed what other servants we were planning on summoning permanently--if we have room for any more, that is.”

Da Vinci shakes her head. "It will still be a while before we'll have the equipment recalibrated to perform another full summoning."

"Sounds like a bridge we'll cross once we come to it," Holmes determines.

"We'll just have to make do without a bassist in the meantime…" Nobu pouts in a slump, but quickly cheers up. "Oh well! It can't be helped!"

Without missing a beat, she goes back to playing footsies with my junk. She is just out of control this morning. And I'm kinda here for it. But this is going to get out of hand if I don't do something. I grab her foot and hold it firmly enough that she can't squirm it away.

Now that I have her taken prisoner, I can mess with her at my leisure. I decide to lightly tickle the sole of her foot, and she immediately bites her lip to try and hide her reaction. She looks like she could crack up at any moment, and she's subtly shaking her head at me. But when has that ever stopped me before?

"So, Da Vinci," Merlin calls, "What did you have in mind when you suggested bad movies?"

"Are we talking, like, 'The Room?'" Meuniere suggests.

"What's with you and all of these overrated cult films?" Da Vinci denies, "I would have suggested something lesser known like Kevin Costner's 'Waterworld.'"

I keep up the attack with a bit more scratching and tickling, and by this point Nobu's cheeks are puffing out as she's trying desperately to hold in a laugh riot from bursting out. She's trying to kick me to get me to stop, but she picked this battle so now she's gonna have to see it through.

"Now do you legitimately dislike all of these cult classics or are you just being contrarian to be a hipster?" Meuniere calls out Da Vinci.

"Pah! Rude," she scoffs, "Well, in the case of ‘The Room’, it isn't even enjoyable ironically."

"You've got to be joking," he shakes his head, "It's like, the PINNACLE of 'so-bad-it's-good' films. Like that scene where Tommy Wiseau is freaking out and saying, 'I did not hit her, I did not! That's bullshit!' but then he completely changes like nothing had happened and goes, 'Oh hi, Mark!'"

"UWAHAHAHAHA!!" Nobu explodes uproariously with laughter as I let go of her foot, before covering her mouth with her palms in embarrassment.

"See? Nobu thought it was funny!" he points out confidently.

"I'm gonna kill you after breakfast ends," Nobu whispers to me threateningly, trying to sound angry. But, considering I'm looking at her with a goofy grin, she can't help but snicker herself in response. "I-I'm serious, you bastard!" she reaffirms, trying not to laugh again.

"What about the rest of you? Da Vinci polls.

"No real preference," the commander answers.

"At the risk of sounding obvious, I feel the narrative suffers from a lack of cohesion that ironic value doesn't replace," Holmes reasons.

"I've never seen it," Merlin shrugs.

"Me neither. Does that mean we're going to watch it next week?" Sylvia asks.

"Uuuugggghhhhh," Da Vinci groans.

"I have an idea," Mash speaks up, "Why don't I go give Merlin a tour of the entertainment room? He can watch it there with anyone else who's interested."

Meuniere jumps at the opportunity. "Count me in!”

“I’ll come too. I guess I’m curious as to what all the fuss is about,” Sylvia adds.

“I’ll be in the lab if anyone needs me,” Da Vinci announces.

“And I’ll be partaking in recreational opioids,” Holmes nods.

“No you won’t,” Da Vinci elbows him, “We talked about this, you damned druggie.”

“I beg your pardon?” he raises an eyebrow in offense. The two resident brainiacs seem to get into a verbal spat of sorts as they leave. 

“I have some business I need to take care of,” Goldolf explains, “So it sounds like it’s time to break, everyone.”

As if a dispersing sports team, we all get up in unison and prepare to head our separate ways. Mash, responsible as always, starts stacking plates and other tableware to clean up after the meal, but Nobu places her hand on Mash’s shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry about that. Master and I can clean the table. You go have fun with the others!” 

Mash nods and smiles, raising her fists to her chest excitedly. “Thank you, Nobu!”

And off Mash goes. 

Knowing Nobu, I guarantee she has ulterior motives in trying to get us alone together. I’m about to have sex in the kitchen, aren’t I? Not that I’m complaining, mind you. Carrying my share of the dishes as I follow her, we drop them off at the sink. In a matter of mere seconds, she grabs my shoulders, swings me to the side, has my back pinned against the refrigerator. Yeah, called it.

“Have you no shame, master?” Nobu taunts, practically licking her lips, “Toying with me like that… you dare to make light of the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven?!”

“You started it dude,” I chuckle, prepared to tease her a bit, “I can only assume that last night wasn’t enough for you, huh?”

She smiles deviously and rubs her hands down the length of my arms, and then slightly up my waist. She embraces me, but solely to reach behind me and give me a spank. “You can’t deflect the blame this time, because it’s all your fault for getting me going! Stop dressing like such a slut!”

I look down at my clothes. “What’s wrong with my Spider-Man hoodie?” I ask, genuinely confused.

She pinches my cheek and shakes my head around a bit. “Not that, dork! I mean the pajama pants! They are totally skin tight, I can make out your whole hunky ass!”

They’re… pretty lose-fitting flannels. “Oh, come on, you’re just making excuses now,” I laugh back, holding her in return and running my fingers through her hair, leaning in as if to kiss but not quite doing it just yet.

“How amusing,” Nobu grins, “As if I need an excuse to lay claim to what’s rightfully mine,” she expresses, taking initiative to steal the kiss we’ve been teasing at.

Though it starts cutesy, she quickly converts it to a much more lewd one as she starts nibbling at my lips and invading my mouth with her tongue, only taking momentary pauses to part our lips between more kisses.

“You certainly are aggressive today,” I comment, “What exactly has gotten into you?”

She drops her pants to her ankles and lifts her bare leg up to prop her foot against the wall to my side and spreads her pussy with her fingers right up against me, in a pose that really asserts dominance. “Nothing, yet! And it’s your job to fix that…” she glares at me with a confident, I’m-in-charge-here variety of expression. 

Soon my pants are on the floor as well and I’m lifting her leg up from under her knee as she basically straddles me against the wall. For several strong thrusts she takes the lead and I simply enjoy the ride. 

Suddenly we hear the unexpected sound of someone closing the microwave door, and several electronic beeps as someone operates the buttons. Nobu and I basically jump out of our skin with fright at the noise, and at this point the microwave activates and starts humming. She turns around to try and see what exactly just happened while crossing her legs and attempting to stretch her shirt to cover her privates. 

It’s, uh, Merlin. We start to hear sporadic pops which begin to increase in number and it becomes clear he’s just waiting on popcorn. His back is turned to us, he has airpods on, and he’s tapping his foot and listening to music. Somehow he hasn’t noticed us…??

For what quite possibly amounts to the most awkward minute and forty five seconds of our lives, we stand perfectly still and silent while the microwave runs and Merlin softly sings to himself. After an eternity and a half, it finishes, he grabs the popcorn, and he leaves the room with his eyes closed while he’s still absorbed in his song. “ _Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh~ I want your love, and all your lover's revenge, you and me could write a bad romance~!”_

And with that, he’s gone, somehow not noticing us.

“Huh… so that’s the type of music he listens to,” Nobu comments.

Another few awkward moments before either of us can figure out how to react to what just happened. “So, uh, did you want to keep going, or…?” I ask.

Nobu thinks about it for a moment. Then she throws me back against the fridge and immediately starts railing me again. 


	6. They still haven't found a bass player

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "C'MON BABIES, LET'S ROCK!"  
> -Dante, from the Devil May Cry Series

Among the many awesome things about having a simulator room, we can set up basically anything we want, including an amphitheater with a large stage for band practice!

With her guitar strapped around her back to hang in front of her as she walks, Nobu paces back and forth with a notepad in hand. “So, team! I trust you all got a chance to do some practicing in the meantime on the songs we all agreed on. So which one should we try as a group first?”

“‘Highway Star!!’” Sylvia pitches enthusiastically, “I love that song!!”

“That one has a lot of cool solos, I’m definitely game,” Merlin agrees with a thumbs up, before keying up a quick series of notes in order like the chromatic scale.

“Sounds good,” I nod as well.

“Deep Purple it is then,” Nobu establishes decisively with a clap of her hands, and we all get in our places. The band plays their parts as they start getting into the groove, Nobu raises her voice over the music to address us. “Gah! This song sounds so weird without a bass player!” she gripes.

We don’t have a chance to respond directly, because I have to begin on the first verse of the lyrics. We get through that, and the chorus next. I think we’re all playing at our A game right now, because we sound pretty great!

Here comes the next verse, and I take a breath to prepare. “Nobody gonna take my girl, I’m gonna keep her to the end! Nobody gonna have my girl, she stays close on every bend!” I sing, looking at Nobu with a grin and causing her to blush a bit while she plays. “Oooh, she’s a killing machine, she’s got everything! Like a moving mouth body control and everything!”

I lean forward to shout for the chorus again. “I love her! I need her! I seed her! Yeah, she turns me on--”

“Hang on, time out,” Nobu calls, letting her guitar hang and gesturing at us with her hands made into a T shape. 

“What’s up?” Merlin asks.

“Is the lyric there really ‘I seed her?’ That doesn’t make sense, that can’t be right!”

“No, it is,” Sylvia confirms, pulling up a Google search on her phone and holding it out for Nobu to see the lyrics. 

“Huh… I guess you’re right,” she concedes, “But how are you able to search Google with proper human history being destroyed and all?”

“Da Vinci downloaded the internet before this whole mess happened,” Sylvia explains.

“... the _whole_ internet?” Merlin expands the question.

“Yep,” is the response.

“That’s... impressive,” he comments.

“Well, anyway,” she continues, “We sound badass! Not bad for our first time playing together as a group! Ok, let’s take it from the second chorus!” 

“We honestly sound like we’re ready to perform in front of an actual audience,” Merlin mentions offhandedly.

“Now there’s an idea, actually,” I consider, “Why don’t I temporarily summon up the other servants to fill the audience so we can give them all a performance as thanks for all they do?”

“Won’t that put a huge strain on you?” Nobu asks with concern.

“It should be fine, as long as none of them start fighting or something,” I reason, “And I never summoned Tesla or Eddison, so there’s nothing to worry about there.”

“I’m game!” Sylvia agrees.

“Alright!” I spur on, “Let’s put on a show!”

I take a moment to summon up as many servants as I can muster, and I think I’ve gotten pretty much all of the ones I’ve formed contracts with. “Hey, everyone! In honor of all the help and hard work you put in for us, our band is going to put on a live music performance for you!”

Nobu raises her hand to the air to make the metal horns gesture with her fingers. “So, how about it, former Chaldea?! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!!”

We get a combination of claps and cheers from everyone. Sounds like we’re good to go!

Sylvia clacks her drumsticks four times to set the tempo, and they begin the opening instrumental sections of the song. We get right back to business. 

The crowd is really pumped up! It’s so nice to see so many familiar faces having a great time! For once I can call upon them without having to put them in danger. I think they’ve earned this fun little show, and it’s great seeing them get into it like this. Even the normally serious servants are letting loose and having a good time.

The song goes astoundingly well, and I can tell that Nobu and Merlin have a great time with their respective solos. Time to bring it on home! I pick up the mic stand and lean into it passionately. “All right, hold tight! I’m a Highway Star! I’m a Highway Star! I’m a Highway Staaaaar!” I sing, and then Sylvia has a chance to wrap up the song with a bit of fancy drum play and one last cymbal crash.

I guess as Heroic Spirits, they probably have increased lung capacity or something, because the cheering from the audiences sounds like it could be coming from thousands of people, it’s so loud. 

“Thank you!! Thank you!!!” Nobu cheers with animated shouting, “But, before we go, can anyone here play the bass?!”

Everyone starts trading glances with one another and shrugging, and then they all turn back to us to shake their heads.

“Damn it,” Nobu mutters under her breath.

\---

Things have cooled down significantly since the show earlier. It’s relaxing just lounging around in my room without having to worry about anything. The bluetooth speaker is hooked up and playing Sonic the Hedgehog music--'Crank the Heat Up!!’ from Sonic Adventure, in this case--as that just happens to be what shuffle has selected at this moment. I’m goofing off on my phone while laying in bed, while Nobu is sitting next to me cross-legged with her back against the wall. She's holding her guitar and strumming along acoustically to the song. Even up to the solo, she nails the piece perfectly in sync with the music. I can tell she's been diligently chipping her way through my Steam library again.

"You're going to master the whole OST, huh?" I joke. 

"Hell yeah!" she grins, "Why stop at just one? May as well learn all the games! When humanity gets restored or whatever, our band should totally tour with Jun Senoue and Crush 40!"

She rests her guitar on the bed to her side, then basically flops down onto her belly next to me, holding her head up with both arms propped up at right angles. "And what are you up to? Still grinding QP? Didn't you get enough grinding out of the last event?"

"I need to level up Little Okita's skills," I explain. "On that subject, when the hell does GUDAGUDA 3 take place chronologically? Like, there are scenes still in Chaldea, and Da Vinci still has her old body… hmm."

"I dunno. But why do you keep calling her that?" Nobu asks, sounding concerned.

"She asked me to," I shrug.

Nobu pouts. "What happened to the regular ol' manslayer?"

"Normal Okita never came home, you know that already…" I reply.

“Why is Okita Alter so clingy to you?” Nobu grills me, “She was swooning over you during the whole performance earlier, don’t think I didn’t notice that!”

“Huh… I don’t think _I_ noticed that,” I scratch my head, “Was she really?”

"Don’t play dumb," Nobu deflects, "I don't like how chummy you're getting with that Alter!"

I think I'm hearing jealousy here. “Do you not like her or something?”

“That’s not it at all,” she denies, “But you must have serious balls to think you can screw around with other women!”

“You know I’m not doing that, you silly girl,” I return playfully.

“You totally are! I can see it on her face when she looks at you, she’s super awkward about it, too. I swear, if you two have been messing around…”

I kinda want to push Nobu’s buttons. "I guess, come to think of it… during our bond conversations, Little Okita told me she loves me… TWICE…"

Nobu kicks me in the shin. "Knock it off. You got a death wish or something?"

"Hey, it's more than YOU'VE ever told me," I argue.

Nobu seems dumbfounded. "What? Don't be absurd. Of course I have."

"No, for real, not even once. I've noticed!" I assert, "Every time I tell YOU I love you, you're always like, 'As if I even need to be told that!' or 'Of course I know that, you fool!' You never say it back."

She clenches my arm tightly, and she looks like she's getting kind of upset. "S-Shut up… why should I say that to a jerk who flirts around with other girls..."

Aw… I overdid it again. I wrap my arm around her shoulders. "Hey, take it easy. I'm just teasing. Okita Alter and I are just friends. You know you’re the only one for me. And don't worry about the love thing. I know that saying it wouldn't really match your style."

Nobu starts lightly laughing to herself. "You sure know how to get under my skin, do you know that?"

With my arm still wrapped around her neck, I'm in a prime position to squeeze one of her boobs a bit. "Can I get under your clothes, instead?" I ask with an intentionally sultry tone.

With her pointer finger, she begins drawing motions without any real pattern on my chest. After a time, she just lays her whole arm across me to hold me as she rests her head against me. 

I put my phone down and take a breath of fresh air. “Y'know, as long as we're airing our GUDA grievances--and I'll look past the part where you shot me--I have to say that Mitsuhide guy pissed me off. I was ready to clean his clock myself."

"Why are you bringing up someone else? This moment is just for us. Can't you read the room, you fool?"

"That's why I brought it up! I just wanted you to know that if anyone ever talks about you like that again, I'll slap their fuckin' throat."

"You mean that?" she asks in surprise.

"Of course I do," I nod, "Even if they're a servant. I'm not afraid to throw down! You aren't the only one allowed to get jealous, you know…"

Nobu closes her eyes and snuggles her head underneath my chin, and I can even feel her body silently laugh.

"Speaking of which… were you two ever…?" I question uneasily.

"Who, Kumquat? No. We were close...-ish, but like… no. That dude is weird. Like, the bad kind of weird," she specifies. 

"Well, that’s a relief to hear. After all, I'm the only one allowed to be weird with you!" I boldly claim.

"Hehehe…" Nobu cackles through a toothy smile. "Can we stay holding each other like this for a while?"

"I feel like I must have missed some extra-spicy romantic tension in the last event, huh?" Merlin comments.

I suppose we left the door to our room open, so it’s not surprising someone came in. It looks like Sylvia is with him. I lean up into a sitting position and stretch a bit. “Hey, guys. What’s up?”

“Not much. It’s just that we got fan mail from some of the servants,” Sylvia explains. The two of them are actually holding a small stack of envelopes, which they set on the bedside. “Want to take a look at them?”

“Sounds like fun!” Nobu expresses.

“I’ll take a crack at the first one,” Sylvia asserts, and she opens one with her name on the front. She clears her throat to read the contents aloud.

“‘Dear Sylvia,  
  
Who are you again?  
  
-The FGO Writing Team’”  
“… Wow. Ok then,” she comments, dejected.

I put my hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Sylvia. You’re a main character in my book!” I encourage her.

Merlin opens the next letter.

“‘Fou,  
  
Fou.’”  
“And there’s no signature, just… a paw print in some kind or red ink-- wait a minute, that’s… is this blood? Is this human blood??” he asks, his face turning a little pale.

“Well, on the bright side,” Nobu suggests, “The fact that you’ve received your first death threat means that you’re authentically a real celebrity now!”

“These are all so depressing to read so far…” Sylvia remarks, “Here’s hoping yours turns out nicer,” she continues, handing me a letter with the word “Master” on it. I open it to see the contents.

“To my special Master,

I was speaking with Little Chacha and she informed me that there’s something called ‘marriage’ that two people do when they care about each other a lot. As you are my reason for being, I wanted to ask you about it. But then Little Chacha hit me with a fan, and shouted at me that the man has to ask the woman or some such thing.

I humbly request that you ask me to marry you (when you get the chance).

Thank you for all that you do, and you are a very nice singer!!!!

-Little Okita”

Aw geeze. I hesitate to turn to Nobu, and I already see the fire in her eyes and sense her bloodlust. “N-Now hold on, you know that Okita Alter is super naive to the world, I-I don’t think she knows what she’s actually asking…!!” I try to reason.

Nobu picks up her guitar and readies to swing it at me. In a nervous response of self defense, I close my eyes and hold up whatever is closest to defend myself, which happens to be… another envelope. Welp. I guess it was a nice life while it lasted.

I open my eyes to see that her guitar has stopped short, and she takes the letter from me. Oh! What luck, I had grabbed the one with her name on the envelope. I think I know exactly which letter is going to be inside.

“You guys shouldn’t play around so violently like that, I was seriously about to activate my Illusions to make Master invincible…” Merlin mumbles.

Nobu is hardly listening. She has torn the letter open, and holds the paper in front of her, which she too begins to read.

“‘Demon King Oda Nobunaga,

Even with everything else gone, I’m still happy because I have you. No matter how dark things get, your fiery passion will always light my way. Whether we’re fighting for humanity, or just acting like total goofballs, I just want you to know that there’s no one I’d rather be with.  
In sickness and in health, I’m still yours. And I’m honored to be your vocalist.

-Ritsuka Fujimaru”

Yep. That’s the letter I wrote to her. Merlin had told me right after the show about getting a fan letter, and that gave me the idea to write one myself.

I can see her eyes watering up as she reads it. She immediately swings herself into me and holds me in a very tight hug. I can see our band mates smile endearingly at our touching moment, and they quietly make their way out of the room.

“I guess we’ll stay holding each other like this for a while, after all,” I whisper to her, and we kiss.


End file.
